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Have you ever struggled to convince a mother to allow the father of her child to be more involved in the child’s life? Maternal gatekeeping is one of the primary challenges practitioners face when encouraging moms to allow dads into their children’s lives. Maternal gatekeeping refers to a mom’s protective beliefs about the desirability of a dad’s involvement in their child’s life, and the behaviors acted upon that either facilitate or hinder effective co-parenting. Maternal gatekeeping occurs regardless of whether parents are married, divorced or unmarried, and regardless of the parents’ satisfaction with the relationship between them. But, clearly, it presents the greatest challenge when the relationship between the parents is poor.
The National Fatherhood Initiative are doing God’s work to develop training and education programs to combat this pervasive form of parental alienation. Drop by, check it out, and share the link(s).
Research: Single Mother Families a Hotbed of Abuse
The vast majority of child sexual abuse occurs within the family setting. However, the fact that in 70-80 per cent of cases the perpetrator is found to have a “familial relationship” with the abused child obscures a more significant truth.
Numerous studies have found that children who do not live with both biological parents, irrespective of socio-economic status, are far more likely to be sexually abused than their peers in traditional families. Girls living in non-traditional families are found to have been sexually abused by their “stepfathers”, either the married, cohabiting, or casual partner of a divorced or single mother, at many times the rate that girls are sexually abused by their biological fathers in traditional families.
Considering walking away? Picture if you will the dude who might be raising your kids someday.
Equality: The assault double-standard. How does the “but he’s stronger” argument hold up against the “but he was defenseless and half-asleep on the couch when she hit him” defense? More here from noted philosopher Whoopi Goldberg, discussed at length here.
Message to Daughters: Act like a lady, get treated like a lady. And if your kid’s mom is hitting you, it’s abuse. Treat it that way.
I don’t think that my mother ever saw my dad as a person; he was only ever a provider and a “handy man” to her and she would often scream at him to “do this” or “fix that.” She used him as a lever to assert her matriarchal dominance over the extended family, and even though I was too young to understand, I sensed that there was something wrong on an emotional level.
I know that my father didn’t get much support from his side of the family, even though it would have been blatantly obvious to everyone how much my mother tormented him. Eventually he left my mother, and he was seen within my family as the one who broke the marriage rather than my mother, who always portrayed herself as having been wronged.
At the time, I was told that he had gone off with another woman, and I was to believe that for another 20 years or so, although it was never true. He had actually left penniless, a broken wreck, and went into a mental institution with manic depression. Although he recovered somewhat, he never got off the pills. Later, he married a White woman and her colour was seen within my family as a particular affront to my mother.
Looking back, and considering my own experiences of my mother in adulthood, I can now see how she must have made my father’s life a living hell. As a child, however, I was brainwashed into hating him without realising it. For example, my mother would relay her fantasies to me about how I would take revenge against my father on her behalf when I was older, including one scenario where I was to slap him across the face in front of an imaginary audience. If you ever try to tell anybody this kind of thing, they think you’re an immoral misfit because you just don’t say things like this about your mother. I carried on hating my father into my forties. To my great shame, my heart was so closed that I may never have known my father or ever got to see what kind of man he really was.
Read the whole thing.
A new study published in the Journal of Women’s Health…found that compared with non-readers, females who read at least the first novel were more likely than non-readers to have had, during their lifetime, a partner who shouted, yelled, or swore at them and who delivered unwanted calls/text messages; they were also more likely to report fasting and using diet aids to lose weight at some point during their lifetime. Compared with non-readers, females who read all three novels were more likely to report binge drinking in the last month and to report using diet aids and having five or more intercourse partners during their lifetime.
Sow the wind, reap a whirlwind. Loving, engaged fathers inoculate women against this, but nobody in popular media or government will tell you that.