GMP: How not to get mad at your wife.
There is nothing like having or witnessing a near death experience for identifying what is really important in life. Fighting with my partner is not high up on my list of important things. No. Not even close.
But I do get angry with her at times. That is life. So how do I not get angry with my beloved? After the incident at the restaurant and my appreciation that my relationship with my wife is finite, I made a decision. I stated, in her presence, that I was not going to be angry at her anymore. When I said this, something amazing happened. A look of relief and joy came over her that, as I think about it now, makes me sad. She said that she felt released from a certain anxiety. Like she had been nervous, trying not to incite, not so much my anger, but my judgement or criticism. I do know where this comes from – old family of origin stuff. This declaration not only made her feel relieved, it also freed me. Even though my way of being around this issue was mostly unconscious, I am now more aware and have a felt sense of being less worried about what is happening in my environment, and specifically, with how my wife is doing any task. I may get angry, but I don’t get angry at her. What I mean by this is my anger is no longer directed at her. I feel the anger, express it to the universe, or not, and realize that it is my anger and nothing more. I have the choice of what I do with it. I choose not to direct my irritation, frustration, and anger at my wife.
Making the choice to accept her for who she is, and to make a commitment to get a handle on your anger, are definitely good bits of advice. Still, deciding to never get mad is unrealistic. Husbands and wives are humans, and humans bump into each other once in a while.
So when that fails: When you do get mad – and you will from time to time – don’t let it stick.
The Missus and I also found this helpful.